Somebody Get God on the Phone

Somebody get God on the phone, I have questions.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I only like six people outside of my family. Can they be off limits?

Tornadoes. Really? I watched the movie Twister 87 times, so I get that they’re fascinating, but they’re destructive and I don’t see the benefit. Unless they only come into contact with people who hurt animals. I’m fine with that.

Why do we have an Appendix if we don’t really need it? Then something goes wrong and the organ you never needed can now cause your death? Cool. Maybe a third lung would have been good or a back up heart. Why not two livers? And did we really need 25 feet of intestines? Now you’ve got all these humans walking around full of shit. Just saying there were options.

Why did you allow the Kardashians to be a thing? Is this because of our sinning? I really would have preferred you smite us with Locusts…again.

Why is everyone focusing on the power struggle between Jon Snow and Daenerys instead of the fact that they slept together and are AUNT and NEPHEW?

Why are they called Pine Nuts instead of Pine Seeds?

Was the boy Monica’s or Brandy’s? I gotta know.

Do all dogs go to heaven? If not, can they come to my house?

Are the beings in other universes as dumb as us or do they call them pine seeds?

Do people who listen to Kid Rock know they don’t have to?

Why are Zingers so delicious?

Why do we lose some of the best humans too early, but the grumpy old assholes live forever?

Is crack actually whack or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

In the end, what takes us out? Is it Romaine lettuce?

How many days were Adam and Eve alive before he called her “crazy” and said she was “overreacting”? That’s probably why she ate the apple. “Oh, you wanna see crazy?! I’ll show you crazy!” Then, boom. Sin. Now we have the Kardashians. Thanks a lot, Adam.

Is hell just a place where the ground is covered in Legos that can’t be moved and nobody has shoes? Can you smell delicious food all day, but it’s not there, it’s just the aroma coming from Heaven? And every day a plate of cookies labeled “Chocolate Chip” is placed in front of you, but they’re really Oatmeal Raisin? And every person is a mouth breather? If not, maybe it should be.

Before you start answering these questions, don’t. Are you God? Do you sound like Morgan Freeman? I didn’t think so. Go eat your string cheese and leave the big conversations to the grown-ups.

I’d like to end this on a positive note so…

Thanks for:

My Kids – Seriously, top notch. Extra thanks for making them look like me.

Sleep

My Family – Loving, smart, clever, good looking…really, I feel sorry for people who aren’t us.

The Sun (even though it will eventually kill us, nice touch btw)

Memes

Good People – all 6 of them

The “Ignore” button on my phone (and in my head)

Sex – some of your best work

Intuition – no jokes, it saves me

Chocolate (no nuts, obviously)

Dogs

Coffee (except decaf)

Flying dreams

Sea Otters

Humor – I think most days you must roll your eyes at me and maybe even sometimes laugh, but don’t forget that you made me and it’s pretty much your own fault. You chose this life. 

Accepting What Is

I think I have some pretty good friends, but then I see a reflection of myself in a door and notice a piece of my wild, curly hair sticking straight up and realize that I have no friends at all. Thanks a heap, guys. I can’t wait until you have something stuck in between your teeth so I can carry on a long conversation with you, then simply walk away with the satisfaction of knowing I’ve sentenced you to death by embarrassment.

Anywho, I have been listening to a weird sounding German/Canadian man talk to me about The Power of Now and it may be changing my life. Yes, I’m aware it’s very “New Age” and spiritually out there, but if you know me at all then this should be no surprise. Please withhold your judgment. In fact, just pack it away in the box of Hopes and Dreams stored in your parent’s attic. I’m gonna keep listening and then read it old school style, so deal with it. And for the love of God, why does the “Insert” button on the keyboard even exist? WHO is using this button?! And for what purpose? Please don’t answer, I’ve already stopped caring.

As I am attempting not to be so concerned about the future (which is going not great so far by the way), I find myself becoming much more self-aware which actually is great. Sometimes, I think God said, “give Melissa feelings, give her ALL the feelings” and then He did.

I’ve accepted that I just feel things deeper than most people. I know that’s a strange statement coming from me. I’m the sarcastic girl, the anti-social one who would rather talk to your dog than you, but alas I have tear ducts after all. Truthfully, once you’re in my circle of concern, my love knows no bounds. My capacity to forgive is damn near endless (not always a great thing), my loyalty is fierce and I will protect you with everything I have. There is a downside. Sometimes, that same love, loyalty and forgiveness is not returned. Fortunately, I can count on one hand how many times that’s been the case and I have gained wisdom from that pain.

Speaking of pain, let’s get back to The Power of Now. Mind you, I am only a third of the way through and my pal has promised me a book club type of discussion after I read the entire book (which he will soon regret), but I’ve already had some “AHA” moments. One is about pain so here we go…

“The pain you create now is always some form of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.”

Wait, humans are resistant to change and things they don’t want? Whaaa? Just kidding and that may seem like a no brainer, but really think about it. When something we don’t want to happen happens, we don’t tend to be passive and just let it be. We fight. We fight for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it’s a painful change, maybe it’s not what we want and maybe it feels unfair or unjust.

What does our non-acceptance and resistance do though? Does it change the circumstance? Does it change the person? No, it changes nothing. It does however cause a great amount of anxiety, stress, unhappiness and disappointment. Yet still, we resist. I don’t even think it’s on a conscious level, it’s reactionary and illogical. I’m so very guilty of this and believe me; it will take quite some time to kick this habit. However, I will try.

I’m aware of the connection between our minds and our reality. I understand the importance of perspective and what we think, but sometimes I still have trouble accepting what is. Damn my humanness.

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”

That’s a tall order, Tolle…but I will try because it all makes so much sense to me. It speaks to me on the deepest level. The place where my soul is at peace and I know what is true.

Everyone’s truth is different and I’m no expert, but I do know myself very well and I know what I need. The hardest thing for me has always been to stop overthinking and listen to that part inside of me that knows exactly what to do. Call it intuition, God, your subconscious, the Universe…all I know is it’s the truest part of me and the best guide I have.

Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..”

“Happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events” – Dalai Lama

No matter what you believe, I think most of us can agree that our thoughts have a great influence over our lives. Those who don’t agree are most likely mouth breathers. Anyway, if you find yourself in a church pew on Sunday mornings, then more power to you and I hope it feeds your soul. You may want to avoid this one though because I’m still confused.

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I never feel the need to explain my beliefs, but when someone is genuinely interested, I do and I’m grateful for the conversation that led me to this book. I’m grateful for people who are open minded and enlightened. I’m grateful every day that I’m alive and have an opportunity to evolve even more. I am far from perfect, but I never want to stop learning or challenging myself and I’ll always be weird so deal with that too.

I’m also grateful for sunshine and music. This gem is from Emeli Sande’s latest album and if you’ve followed my blog, you know I adore her. I love how vulnerable she allows herself to be and the poetic nature of her lyrics. Ok, I’ll stop. Just listen..

I love how much she craves a deeper meaning and connection. I get that, I crave it too. I love that some people are just drawn to one another. It can’t be explained, it just is.

I get that some events and pain are unavoidable and unpredictable, but if there is some pain that we can lessen or avoid by accepting and not resisting what is, I think it’s worth a try. Also, underneath it all I absolutely believe that what’s for me will always be for me.

Wherever your journey takes you, I hope you find what’s meant for you. Choose your humans well.

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Just a tip though, it will never be a pair of Crocs or a man bun. Those aren’t meant for anyone.