20 Days

I recently took 20 days off work. They say it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. Damn, so close.

It was quite life changing. When you are so used to being “on” and busy, a large amount of free time is a foreign concept. It took about five days for me to stop clenching my jaw and stop thinking about work, but then it was like, “what job?”

I slept. A lot.

My house is incredibly clean and organized. My boyfriend no longer owns any socks with holes and can actually find a matching pair. If I ask my kids to organize one more thing, they may volunteer to run away and join the circus. My dogs are still thrilled with me though, so does anything else really matter? I think not.

I cooked 427 different recipes and have considered starting my own cooking show.  I also learned that Home Goods is dangerous and I need a Sponsor in my life to call when I’m feeling weak…

“I know, Donna, but this frame is the perfect addition to the hallway. What’s that? Yes, I realize it’s the same exact color as the last one, but this one has a more weathered look and it.…uh-huh. Ok, I’ll think about it for another day. Thanks, Donna. You’re a real one.” (Hangs up the phone and puts the purchased frame in the car because let’s be honest, nobody is gonna boss me.) I don’t know a “Donna”, but it seems like a solid name and I’ve been non-stop watching the show Suits. I am pretty much a corporate lawyer now. Feel free to contact me for any legal advice, quips about your character, snide comments or to devise the most underhanded devious plot ever made.

Truthfully, the time off reminded me that my life outside of work is filled with so much LOVE. I genuinely love and enjoy the people in my life; my kids are amazing, my parents are super heroes, my boyfriend is my soul partner and my friends are better than yours.

I listened to and watched the news yesterday. I haven’t watched the news for more than five minutes in over 6 years. Can I just say, holy shit. I can’t believe you guys have been living like this. What even?

Life got really serious for me and I just sort of stopped participating in “reality” outside of the world I created for myself. It wasn’t a conscious decision, I think my soul knew I needed to retreat for a while. It’s fine, you all did well without me. After this break, I feel like I’m ready to know things about the world again. Not too much though. I can’t be that serious and most of you are taking things seriously enough for us both.

Let’s see, what else…

I did finish a couple of books and received a couple more so the stack on my nightstand remains nine books high and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I diagnosed and cured myself of two conditions. (Just prepping for the return of Grey’s Anatomy.)

Definitely ate too much cheese.

Cleaned my pores.

Talked about movies, shows, food, poop and farts way too much.

Also, I decided that in our group this is what it would look like if a few of us planned an intervention for one of us. Enjoy.


Happy New Year.

Shut Up, You’re Weird Too

As much as I like the fun part of holidays, can I just say that I am so happy they’re over? Of course I can, I’m the boss of me. I think holidays make people crazy, rather, they bring out the crazy. What is that? Is it being reminded of bad memories past? The impending doom of spending time with relatives? Is your creepy uncle coming to Christmas dinner? I mean, WHAT?!

It’s fine, we all have our reasons for wishing the holidays away. Mine would be the crowds of people. They are everywhere, and they bring their crying babies with them. Isn’t this time of year hard enough without your teething infant screaming in the middle of Macy’s? I’m just looking for a sweater, dammit.

I enjoy parts of it. My Mother is an amazing cook and I happen to like my family so that part is easy. I love watching my kids open their gifts. Then, I regret buying things that require batteries, assembly or set up of any kind. Immediately, I turn my daughter and ask her to set up the new Nintendo Switch pretending I’m like a grandmother who doesn’t understand how “email” or “texting” works. She obliges because watching me attempt it would be equally if not more frustrating for her. She’s a good daughter.

When Christmas is finally over, there sits New Year’s like the smug bitch that she is. “New year, new you? Not so fast!”, she shouts.

I burned White Sage throughout the house and carried on with a positive attitude because new beginnings, right?

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Well, I can’t even believe the things people around me have already endured. Jeez, 2018. Simmer down. However, there’s happiness too, some have new houses and new babies (I’ve already advised them on not allowing their infants to tag along to Macy’s). I suppose this is the stuff of life. Ups and downs, ebbs and flows.

The truth is that New Year’s Resolutions are silly. It’s just a date. You want to change something? Umm, change it. It’s not like the Universe is gonna stop you… “Whoa, making a change today? On a school night? I won’t allow it.” Then, you’re struck by lightening to set an example for all the other humans who dare to be so bold as to try to better themselves in the middle of the week.

I’m going to make resolutions and evolve twice monthly so just brace yourself, this will never end. I don’t ever want to stop being curious and will constantly want to try new things. For instance, I had an app on my phone for a solid 5 weeks to help me learn French. Sure, it didn’t last, but “c’est la vei”. I’m now researching the benefits of bone broth and will be making my own in the next week.

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Lifetime learners and people who aren’t scared to be who they genuinely are, that’s who I like and want to surround myself with. Yes, tell me about your strange childhood. I live for this shit. Talk to me about your latest epiphany, I wanna know. You had a rough day, but found the silver lining? Let’s talk about it over a beer.

As my good pal and I recently discussed over a shared jar of moonshine, we are all changing and evolving. This is a good thing and something that should never stop because if it did, then what’s the point?

I think we’re here on Earth for two reasons:

To love ourselves and others

To learn what we don’t know

That second one is endless, obviously. And that is the point.

I spent a solid decade learning about myself and reading every book imaginable. I love to learn about others too, this is my jam. If you’re a MBTI nerd like me, I’m an ENFP. If you don’t know what that means…as my good friend says, “Google that shit!” (GTS). I’m a Type Two on the Enneagram. Again, GTS.

As much self-discovery as I’ve done, I still surprise myself. I recently noticed that after a very social weekend, I will suddenly shut down and need no one to talk to me or even breathe in my direction. It’s just too much to bare. I have expended all my extroverted energy. I now need to re-charge and I can’t do that with you in my space. I suppose I’m a Social Introvert, which is weird.

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that my Non-New Year’s Resolution is to keep trying new things, keep learning more about myself and others, and just love people. They need it and so do I. I’d also like to go wine tasting. I’ve never been and it seems like the 37 year old thing to do so maybe. We shall see.

I will always crave connection, real connection. If you’re not going to be real with me, I’ll know, and our conversation will be about the weather and last under 5 minutes. I’m not a Meteorologist, I don’t give a shit about the forecast, I just don’t like you. It’s ok, someone else will.

Good luck with your New Year’s Resolutions, everyone! Try being Gluten free, you’ll probably be friend free in 2 weeks, but carry on. Giving up alcohol? Call me when that’s over. I’ll be here for you, but in the meantime, I’ll be over there where they keep the beer. Deciding to try bangs? I’ll caution against it, but still sit next to you. (P.S. you look 5 years old now)