I just had a birthday. I know, fantastic. I bought myself all the face creams so let’s just not talk about it anymore.
I’ve been catching up on the last few seasons of Grey’s Anatomy as of late. So far I’ve diagnosed two people with Cardiomyopathy, one with Bronchitis and 62 with an attitude problem. A few didn’t take the news well, but whatevs.
We recently attended a Halloween party. I went as an attacked Little Red Riding Hood with a basket full of booze. Duh. I contemplated doing the couple thing, my boyfriend obviously being the Wolf. However, the look of excitement on his face when we found the inflatable Velociraptor costume was just too much to bear. Plus, I was really hoping he’d get a little tipsy and fall over. Then, I could just roll him out the door and back home. Bonus, he’d be encapsulated in this getup all night so when he farted and gassed himself out to the point of unconsciousness, I would see Karma at it’s finest. I’m an amazing person.
Fine, I’m not that great. Still better than some though. For instance..
I saw two women jogging early in the morning and one was wearing a head flashlight. I can’t decide if they were friends jogging together or if the flashlight wearer was chasing the other woman to force her into friendship. She clearly needs a friend to tell her that she looks like a dumb ass. First of all, it wasn’t that dark. Second of all, you’re not a coal miner, ma’am. Take it down a notch.
Or how about the guy who likes to hold the door open and wait for me to walk through at the gym even though I might be a solid 50 feet away. Thank you sir, but I’m going to get my cardio inside the gym and now I feel like I have to awkwardly powerwalk because you have an impatient look on your face like I’m inconveniencing you. Dude, I’ll get my own door.
Enough about others, let’s get back to me. I’m about to cry over this hangnail and I just washed a plastic fork. Send help.
And out of the blue, I decided to watch Eat, Pray, Love. It felt like the 37-year-old thing to do. Clearly, we needed wine and by “we” I just mean me. I watched the movie twice. In a row. I blame the wine.
I’d actually seen it years ago, but I don’t think I got it at the time. Either way, I suddenly have a desire to eat all the pasta in Italy, buy bigger jeans, then attend a wedding in India and finally cry with Javier Bardem about EVERYTHING.
However, there was a quote in there that I loved so very much..
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is a road to transformation.”
I think there are some types of growth that can only come from brokenness. Sometimes we have to be humbled to be open to what we need to learn.
A little bit of the wisdom I picked up over the last year:
Half the time you’re fighting with someone, you’re really fighting with yourself.
Forgiveness is not a chore, but a necessary part of loving someone completely. This means yourself also.
Life’s trials don’t end. One gets solved and another arises. Learning to enjoy life throughout all of the trials is the point.
Don’t miss the point.
There is always room for one more.
Check in on people, they need it more than you think.
You don’t have it all figured out, life will surprise you and about half the time you’ll like it.
I will say “Bless You” up to 3 times when you sneeze. After that, I assume you’re an attention whore and you’re dead to me.
What? I can’t be mature all the time.
Ever feel like you’re not cutting it as a parent? Let me help you out. My son just went to Camp and I sent him with a disposable camera. I’ll be dropping it off to get the pictures developed along with my daughter’s disposable camera from when she went to Camp SIX YEARS AGO. Mother of the year.
I’m going to need you guys to lower your expectations. Thanks.
I didn’t want to meet you. I thought the timing of this trip couldn’t have been worse with so much going on in my life. I just knew that my absence from my regular life would be detrimental TO THE ENTIRE WORLD. I may have over estimated my importance a little, maybe. Surprisingly, the people in my life survived without me and had I not gone, I would never have experienced the splendor of your beauty.
As it turned out, this trip came at the exact right time. While it was a work related trip, I feel as though it was a gift to me for so many reasons. It coincided with a time that my soul needed something. It’s a different kind of hunger when it comes from my soul. I truthfully had no idea what I needed. Maybe a reminder. A reminder of who I am. A reminder that no matter who or what surrounds me, I am grounded, I am centered and I know what is true. It is so easy to get lost in the day to day and I forget the big picture of my life.
Off I went. Slim Jim’s, check. Playlist, check. Stress, check!
I arrived not knowing what was in store, but boy did you feed my soul.
The last hour of the drive to meet you was worth the trip alone. Oh, hello trees. There are so many of you, you are so green and happy. Why wouldn’t you be? You are hugged every day by beautiful mountains with surprise waterfalls that pour with delight at the chance to nourish you. Lest I forget the streams. They flowed in a way that told me I was headed to a place where peace would abound. Yes, please. That’s one thing I wanted for sure, peace.
My Buddhist tendencies keep me from going into new situations with expectations and I found it quite easy to just take the experience for what it was and be grateful.
Something I’m adamant about when traveling is walking as much as possible. Not only is it great after sitting in a car for so long, but for me it’s a better way to get a feel for my new surroundings.
I learned a few things about myself while in this gorgeous place…
One, I LOVE to travel alone. Being able to explore whatever I wanted and not having to consult another living soul was liberating. I loved driving through the mountains and performing the most amazing car karaoke that the world will never have the pleasure of witnessing. (Some gifts aren’t meant to be shared)
Two, I adore me. I thoroughly enjoy my own company. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with me. I’m adventurous, fun and might I add, a little easy on the eyes most days. My inner monologue keeps me highly entertained and I am one of the funniest people I know. Did I mention I’m also humble?
Three, the older I get, the more I talk to myself. Not a low mumble, but like regular conversation level volume talk to myself. I think the people in my life have gotten used to it, but go to a new place and all of a sudden you’re “the weird girl who wanders and has an imaginary friend”. All I have to say to that is, DROP DEAD FRED!
Let me take you through a bit of my journey..
Day one, meeting the lake.
Sunshine, but only 83°. It was 106° back home so enjoying the warmth of the sun without feeling like it was trying to murder me was fantastic.
Music is life. I feel like every situation can only get better when you have some good tunes.
Since I love music so much, I was naturally drawn to the center of town where live bands seemed to be everywhere. I listened to three different bands at various venues. All of them were great. There’s something about live music that makes me surrender to the moment.
I crossed over to the Nevada side for a bit, not as fun in my opinion, but cool nonetheless. I spent so much time walking and exploring the town that I forgot to eat dinner so I grabbed a tasty pizza from Vinny’s on my way back to the hotel. I washed it down with a Tallboy Bud Light because I am nothing, if not classy.
Work obligations took half of the day. However, my coworker/friend and I accomplished our goal and graduated from a program we’ve been working on for a couple of years so yay to that!
We also got to enjoy lunch at Heaven’s Little Cafe which was indeed heavenly. The fish tacos were amaaaazing.
With responsibility out of the way, I ran back to the hotel to change and I was gone. I did a little Googling earlier in the day and read about Emerald Bay. I can’t explain it, but I knew I had to go. I wanted to see that view for myself. I just needed to be there so up the mountain I drove.
Along the way I saw 2 beautiful Ravens which I took as a good omen. Most of you probably know that my left wrist is adorned with one of these beauties.
My love of birds has been with me since I was a child. Yes, my last name is Nightengale. No, not like the bird and no, that’s not why.
My Mother always called me a night owl because I never wanted to go to sleep at night. Side Note: I only ever got spanked once as a child because I didn’t want to put on underwear. I guess not much has changed. I still like to be up late and still hate underwear…and pants for that matter.
I think I was a bird in a past life. Imagine the freedom of flying and being able to take a crap on whoever you want. Amazing.
I digress….so back to the trip up the mountain. I made it to Emerald Bay and it was breathtaking.
The presence of other humans was a minor annoyance, but I had plenty of solitude and my earphones so all was well. I think that was exactly the point you were making to me, all is well. There are small matters; stress, conflicts and people who will try to rob me of my joy and peace, but at the end of the day all is well with my soul. I have what matters most in life and I am grateful.
A few fun facts..
Emerald Bay is home to the one and only Island in Lake Tahoe.
There are days I would like to be air lifted to this Island so no one can talk to me. I could send a Raven with a message should anything of importance arise, but otherwise I should be left alone.
Then there is this gem. Captain Richard “Dick” Barter made his way to Lake Tahoe in the 1860’s. He was quite the character and would row his dinghy into town to visit the saloons. Captain Dick had a proclivity for Whiskey which only makes him more lovable. There’s a story about him amputating his own toes and showing them to visitors, but we’ll just focus on the positive here.
Just to confirm that the birds love me right back..
He was just a little shy.
The biggest challenge I face is being present in the moment and enjoying myself when all of the small stuff in life tries to get in the way. It was easy to do when I was with you, none of those things existed. I messaged a friend who frequently visits you and asked him, “Is this heaven?” He replied, “Of course it is”. And that was that.
I may have found my heaven on Earth. I think you’ve stolen my heart from the Ocean who I still hold in high regard and will always visit. However, nothing can compete with the clarity I feel standing under your giant trees and looking at the majestic view of your water and mountains.
Day three, a sad goodbye..
I will miss you. I debated going back to the lake one more time, but since a 5 hour energy drink was already going to be required for the trip home I decided to get on the road.
Not to worry, I safely drove while the phone was stationary and capturing a bit of my drive. I could drive this road every day and never tire of it.
Until we meet again, South Lake Tahoe. Thank you for the reminders. Thank you for being so welcoming and thank you for the quiet.
There is value is saying nothing at all, in quiet reflection and in a little soul searching.
While listening to Miranda Lambert’s latest album, I came across this song and it sparked a conversation.
My girlfriends and I have been discussing the topic and I love the feedback so here goes.
Most of us girls have fallen weak in the knees a time or two for this brand of man child. First, a few questions…
What constitutes a “Bad boy”?
Is it a style?
Is it the vice/vices they have?
Is it a “don’t give a shit” attitude and/or disregard for the law?
I think there’s something intriguing about a guy who seems as though he can never be fully attained. Maybe it’s the idea that they save their softer side for only you…or at least you hope it’s only for you. Maybe it’s the challenge or the idea that we can “save” them.
One friend said she used to be into the brooding musician types and once fell hard for a gorgeous guy who was dark and moody. Unfortunately, that dark side led to him being a cheater and the moody side ended up being a serious drug addiction.
And because Lana is a bad ass.
Sometimes we only see the good and don’t see the bad until we’re already in too deep. Oops. Our bad.
Carrie may have warned us, but we don’t always listen..
I’ve seen some bad boys turn into good men, usually after years of the Peter Pan Syndrome and the love of an incredibly patient woman. However, guess whose patience has worn thin after 36 years on this planet? This bitch!
I’ve spent some time being attracted to men who had an air of mystery about them, rebels with absolutely no cause, but as time has passed it seems less attractive. A tough exterior, swagger and street smarts are the only qualities these bad boys may possess that I still think are attractive. Outside of that, I’m pretty much done with this brand of male.
Some men grow up and outgrow the more immature aspects of the bad boy persona, leaving behind the destructive behaviors that ruin relationships and kudos to them. Some can never get past idea that they have to be accountable to another human being and that means not doing whatever the fuck you want whenever you want; but guess what? If you want a loving, lasting relationship with someone you can count on, you kind of have to grow up. Shocking, I know.
You know what I find attractive? Manners, respect, being consistent, having priorities and life goals. A man who is tough when he needs to be and is always protective of his lady is a keeper in my book as well.
Another one of my lady friends said that while she is still attracted to the bad boy type, her older and wiser self prefers a good guy that is hard working and family oriented. She still wants him to be able to whoop some ass and stay street wise though.
The next bit of input comes from the person who brought this to us this morning…
She said, “I like boys…good boys, bad boys, funny boys, rich, poor…if you show me attention I will probably fall in love with you. I’m a sucker thanks to my self-esteem. Unless you have a man bun, then you’re out.”
She is obviously my favorite human today and not just because she shares my hate of man buns or because she gifted me with a giant zucchini, but because she’s so honest and knows how to laugh at herself.
Another said, “I think I’m attracted to narcissists. I like super confident guys and then I realize they are way more in love with themselves and not so into me.”
On relationships in general…
In the end, we fall for who we fall for and love who we love. Every relationship is different and no matter what it looks like from the outside, only those two people know what’s what. We’re all loving flawed human beings and hoping for the best.
Ladies, we’re a hot mess too. We analyze, then discuss with each other, over think and then discuss some more. Sometimes we are fuel to each other’s fires and make things worse, but I’m so glad we have each other to bitch to about guys and relationships, and most importantly thank God we have each other to laugh with. It saves us.
Guys, don’t be a dick just because you have one. Know what you have when you have it because I guarantee you that someone will appreciate what you take for granted and every girl has an ex that wants to make it right for the 89th time. Instead of being a bad boy, be a bad ass man who has self-respect and does right by the people who love you.