Somebody Get God on the Phone

Somebody get God on the phone, I have questions.

Why do bad things happen to good people? I only like six people outside of my family. Can they be off limits?

Tornadoes. Really? I watched the movie Twister 87 times, so I get that they’re fascinating, but they’re destructive and I don’t see the benefit. Unless they only come into contact with people who hurt animals. I’m fine with that.

Why do we have an Appendix if we don’t really need it? Then something goes wrong and the organ you never needed can now cause your death? Cool. Maybe a third lung would have been good or a back up heart. Why not two livers? And did we really need 25 feet of intestines? Now you’ve got all these humans walking around full of shit. Just saying there were options.

Why did you allow the Kardashians to be a thing? Is this because of our sinning? I really would have preferred you smite us with Locusts…again.

Why is everyone focusing on the power struggle between Jon Snow and Daenerys instead of the fact that they slept together and are AUNT and NEPHEW?

Why are they called Pine Nuts instead of Pine Seeds?

Was the boy Monica’s or Brandy’s? I gotta know.

Do all dogs go to heaven? If not, can they come to my house?

Are the beings in other universes as dumb as us or do they call them pine seeds?

Do people who listen to Kid Rock know they don’t have to?

Why are Zingers so delicious?

Why do we lose some of the best humans too early, but the grumpy old assholes live forever?

Is crack actually whack or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

In the end, what takes us out? Is it Romaine lettuce?

How many days were Adam and Eve alive before he called her “crazy” and said she was “overreacting”? That’s probably why she ate the apple. “Oh, you wanna see crazy?! I’ll show you crazy!” Then, boom. Sin. Now we have the Kardashians. Thanks a lot, Adam.

Is hell just a place where the ground is covered in Legos that can’t be moved and nobody has shoes? Can you smell delicious food all day, but it’s not there, it’s just the aroma coming from Heaven? And every day a plate of cookies labeled “Chocolate Chip” is placed in front of you, but they’re really Oatmeal Raisin? And every person is a mouth breather? If not, maybe it should be.

Before you start answering these questions, don’t. Are you God? Do you sound like Morgan Freeman? I didn’t think so. Go eat your string cheese and leave the big conversations to the grown-ups.

I’d like to end this on a positive note so…

Thanks for:

My Kids – Seriously, top notch. Extra thanks for making them look like me.

Sleep

My Family – Loving, smart, clever, good looking…really, I feel sorry for people who aren’t us.

The Sun (even though it will eventually kill us, nice touch btw)

Memes

Good People – all 6 of them

The “Ignore” button on my phone (and in my head)

Sex – some of your best work

Intuition – no jokes, it saves me

Chocolate (no nuts, obviously)

Dogs

Coffee (except decaf)

Flying dreams

Sea Otters

Humor – I think most days you must roll your eyes at me and maybe even sometimes laugh, but don’t forget that you made me and it’s pretty much your own fault. You chose this life. 

Russians, Naps and Leafy Greens

Do you know what sounds like a lot of fun? A nap. Who’s with me? Seriously, I’m down to grab my favorite blanket and pillow and sleep peacefully next to you. There are some rules. Stay on your side. No snorers allowed. Don’t wake your nap buddy up unless they are in imminent danger. When you are both awake, conversation must be kept to a minimum and can only consist of what to watch or what to eat. Both will be happening, neither of you are ready for the world yet. Waking up is hard. A second nap is always an option, but not mandatory. It is not necessary that your nap buddy participate in nap number two with you. You are free to slumber alone.

I was having a blissful slumber myself in the wee early hours of the morning when suddenly I was jolted awake by what can only be described as the smell of death or death that has rotted. If you guessed that my boyfriend was to blame, then you would be correct. When I texted him hours later to let him know that his fart on steroids almost took me out, his response was and I quote, “Sorry babe, it was a Spinach fart”. A Spinach fart? I had no idea there was such a thing, but the man loves his Spinach and ate an entire bowl yesterday. Ok, Popeye….NEVER AGAIN.

When I’m not thinking about napping or food or surviving farts, I’m learning to speak Russian these days. Before you say it, I know it’s a difficult language. Duh. I love it! I’ve already learned 140 words and it’s been less than three weeks. My friends are slightly annoyed, but I don’t care. I can call them names and they won’t even know, so who’s the real winner here?

Why Russian, you ask? Or maybe you didn’t ask because you’re selfish and only think about yourself. Give that some thought.

I have been interested by my Ancestry since I was a kid. I always loved hearing family stories and knowing where I come from is important to me. I’m fascinated by the Russian side, so I decided to try out learning another language. My brain gets bored and I always want to learn something new. Turns out, I catch on pretty damn quickly. I’m already fluent in Spanglish which was motivated by listening to my Mother and Aunts start a conversation in English and ending it in Spanish. My little cousin and I were left clueless as to the gossip. In the words of The Dude, “This aggression will not stand!”… so we learned enough to know the “tea” (as kids these days say). Try not to be floored by my level of cool.

I have already nicknamed one friend a potato in Russian which he loves, obviously. Another friend got sick of my shit and has decided to learn with me! We will surely annoy all the folks in all the lands and I could not care less. Peasants is what I’ll call them, Garbage Kids even. Don’t feel bad for them. They have earned my wrath.

Listen, you guys take care. Go learn something new. Let me know if you want to nap sometime and for the love of God, STAY AWAY FROM THE SPINACH.

Reasons Why I’m Late

This goes out to all my punctual friends and family….

First, I’m sorry. I know the concept of time is important to you, but it’s just not to me. I don’t get it. Are you competing for an award? Is this like when you were in grade school and received a certificate for never missing a day of school? Because that sounds about as much fun as being on time anywhere for anything. Have you heard of the Internet or Memes?

Reasons I’m always late:

Instagram.

Waking up is hard.

I don’t want to go wherever it is I have to go.

The baby hairs on the right side of my head that refuse to cooperate.

Am I getting enough Magnesium? Better Google it right the hell now and find out.

My brain. More specifically, ideas of new things to try, create, cook or research. Pinterest is gasoline to this fire.

Cleaning up things around the house that are minor and can definitely wait until later, but how great will it be to come home later and it’s already done? Pretty damn great.

My dogs giving me a look that says, “Leaving our sight for more than 2 minutes will make us feel abandoned and unloved. Do you want that on your conscience? Do you!?”

My vanity mirror shouting at me about the 3 eyebrow hairs I missed while plucking.

Where is that shirt I haven’t worn in 8 months, but would be just perfect for today? I should bypass the other lovely 46 shirt options I have and look for it even though I’m supposed to be there already because What Would Jesus Do? I’ll tell you what He’d do. He would tell the parable of the shepherd leaving 99 sheep behind to go searching for the one lost sheep. That shirt is no less important than the others. What book of the Bible is that story from? Better look it up right now because I will need this is information never. Ah, found the shirt. Nope. Now I know why I haven’t worn it 8 months. I’m going to hang it back up though because what if I feel differently about it in another 8 months?

Is that another freckle? Maybe I’m not protecting my skin from the sun enough. What’s the SPF on my moisturizer? That’s not high enough. Must find a better one on Amazon right this minute because this is a health concern that can’t wait. Oh look, I forgot about the bathroom rugs I saved in my cart for later. Do we really need to replace them yet? Maybe I should wash them again and see how they look after that. Gotta put them in the washer immediately because what if the washer goes missing or worse, gets stolen? How safe are we really? Maybe I should look into those cameras you can set up on your porch. I bet Amazon has some. Hopefully on Prime. I’ll check it out.

Facebook notification. Oh, it’s that guy from high school’s birthday. I should say happy birthday because he said happy birthday to me on my birthday. Ugh, if I do that then everyone we’re mutual friends with will expect a happy birthday wish and I’m not doing that. They’ll personalize it, think I don’t like them (I don’t) and it will become a thing. Better keep everyone’s expectations low, I don’t want trouble. No birthday wish for him. Guess I can scroll since I’m already on. Wait. An add for a Magnesium supplement? I didn’t even say that out loud. What the… The government can hear my thoughts? Shit. They obviously know I’m habitually late and will rarely have an alibi so they’re going to pin a murder on me to strong arm me into becoming an informant and putting my life on the line. I think I saw a commercial for a new show about that on Amazon Prime. I’ll check it out. Hmm, did I ever order the new moisturizer?

ADD, obviously.

20 Days

I recently took 20 days off work. They say it takes 3 weeks to break a habit. Damn, so close.

It was quite life changing. When you are so used to being “on” and busy, a large amount of free time is a foreign concept. It took about five days for me to stop clenching my jaw and stop thinking about work, but then it was like, “what job?”

I slept. A lot.

My house is incredibly clean and organized. My boyfriend no longer owns any socks with holes and can actually find a matching pair. If I ask my kids to organize one more thing, they may volunteer to run away and join the circus. My dogs are still thrilled with me though, so does anything else really matter? I think not.

I cooked 427 different recipes and have considered starting my own cooking show.  I also learned that Home Goods is dangerous and I need a Sponsor in my life to call when I’m feeling weak…

“I know, Donna, but this frame is the perfect addition to the hallway. What’s that? Yes, I realize it’s the same exact color as the last one, but this one has a more weathered look and it.…uh-huh. Ok, I’ll think about it for another day. Thanks, Donna. You’re a real one.” (Hangs up the phone and puts the purchased frame in the car because let’s be honest, nobody is gonna boss me.) I don’t know a “Donna”, but it seems like a solid name and I’ve been non-stop watching the show Suits. I am pretty much a corporate lawyer now. Feel free to contact me for any legal advice, quips about your character, snide comments or to devise the most underhanded devious plot ever made.

Truthfully, the time off reminded me that my life outside of work is filled with so much LOVE. I genuinely love and enjoy the people in my life; my kids are amazing, my parents are super heroes, my boyfriend is my soul partner and my friends are better than yours.

I listened to and watched the news yesterday. I haven’t watched the news for more than five minutes in over 6 years. Can I just say, holy shit. I can’t believe you guys have been living like this. What even?

Life got really serious for me and I just sort of stopped participating in “reality” outside of the world I created for myself. It wasn’t a conscious decision, I think my soul knew I needed to retreat for a while. It’s fine, you all did well without me. After this break, I feel like I’m ready to know things about the world again. Not too much though. I can’t be that serious and most of you are taking things seriously enough for us both.

Let’s see, what else…

I did finish a couple of books and received a couple more so the stack on my nightstand remains nine books high and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I diagnosed and cured myself of two conditions. (Just prepping for the return of Grey’s Anatomy.)

Definitely ate too much cheese.

Cleaned my pores.

Talked about movies, shows, food, poop and farts way too much.

Also, I decided that in our group this is what it would look like if a few of us planned an intervention for one of us. Enjoy.


Happy New Year.

For My Work Family

Well, I’m still alive. Much to the disappointment of 2 and a half people. Don’t ask about the little guy.

However, I’m sure the rest of you are thrilled to know that the recent Election didn’t take me out. It was close, but I am still a functioning sort-of adult.

Actually, the last couple of months taught me a lot about myself and those in the trenches with me. For instance, humans can go a long time without regular sleep and simply live off caffeine and stress. It’s definitely not healthy or recommended, but it is possible. Also, the media, attorneys and political junkies are THE WORST.

One day you wake up after only sleeping for a total of four hours, due to dreaming about work and endless anxiety, and ask yourself when you became this person whose life is being taken over by a job. Eventually, you get to a stage of acceptance and by “acceptance” I mean that you run out of fucks to give and just do what you gotta do. When the chaos comes to an end (by “end” I mean pause until next time) we realize that the job we do is important, and we stress because we care. We may lose our patience with each other from time to time and get a little grumpy, but we also laugh a lot. And most of us cry at least once….one of us cries a lot more than that. You know who you are and we love you, you big baby.

We learn that we are strong as individuals, but even stronger as a team. Very often, the people who you spend all this time with, become family. We get annoyed with each other and hurt each other’s feelings, but we have each other’s backs. Just don’t ask anyone to pick up bagels for you on break. Too soon?

The other thing I’ve learned is how critical forgiveness is. Doing everything out of a place of love is so important, but what is love without forgiveness? I feel lucky that forgiveness has always come easy to me. I’ll forget I was upset with someone and start talking to them like nothing, and 10 minutes later… ”dammit! I forgot about what they did”. Then, it’s as though it never happened, and life goes on. I’m not sure if it’s because I know I am so far from perfect or because I had examples of what forgiveness looked like growing up, but I can’t hold a grudge to save my life and I’m glad because that shit will make you sick.

I know there is something to be said for professional working relationships and boundaries, but I wouldn’t take back the friendships I have with my work family for anything. I think it comes with some challenges, but the good far outweighs the bad. In just the last couple of days, I have seen the most beautiful example of love, forgiveness, respect and communication. I am so grateful to have people like this in my life.

Our job can be difficult and demanding at times, but not always. As much as we are all looking forward to our much-deserved time off, a part of me will miss seeing them every day…a very small part because I have 20 days off and I’m kinda like, peace out y’all! See you in the New Year.

This year was something else. A lot of us experienced loss and big changes. Even though I am grateful for every day on Earth, I am not sad to say goodbye to 2018.

Cheers to what 2019 may bring.

A Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,

You are forever 30 in my mind, which is weird since I’m 37. As I was cleaning my house and getting rid of so many things, I saw this photo of us. I framed it about 10 years ago because I just loved it so much.

I put it in my purse because I just wanted to have it on my desk at work where I can see it more often. We have so many great pictures and even better memories, I wondered why this picture means so much to me. Obviously, your hair and sunglasses are amazing, but I think it’s the way that you’re holding me and the way I am holding on to you. My protector, my guide and my nurturer. As an adult, I realize that what you are most is my compass. You will forever be who I turn to when I am unsure about which direction to go or what path to take. I come to you when I am happy, when I have good news or bad news and most of all, when I need to remember who I am. You are home to me.

As I have journeyed through life thus far, I’ve realized that what I have in the way of family is the exception. People aren’t this lucky, this blessed, or this loved. I often joke that I should be better because I have the absolute best parents and you always say, “no, you are so good”. You always lifted me up and made me believe that I could do anything. Thank you. I never doubted that I was capable, smart, strong, kind, beautiful and worthy because of you. Thank you.

I know that right now you would say that it is God in you that I see. His love, His grace, His compassion and wisdom. You are right, and I acknowledge that completely because the other gift you have given me is faith. Thank you.

When I think back to being a child or a teenager, all I can say is, I get it now. I used to wonder why you worried so much, why you cared so much, why you did so much. I get it now. I would move mountains and fight tigers for my kids and I worry far too much.

Even today, you are constantly giving your time and attention to your kids and grandkids. When I thank you, you say that you feel so blessed that you can help. Seriously, the world needs more of you and I think…what a different world it would be if more people had mothers like you. A mom who shows up, who loves unconditionally, who is humble and constantly evolving. What a difference that would make.

I can’t imagine I will ever be an age that I don’t need you. I will always need you. I am so grateful that I can hear your voice in my head. Before you say it, yes, it’s all good things!

A lot of parents give their kids hundreds of reasons to get therapy. Thanks for not doing that and letting me go out and create my own reasons. Ha! C’mon, you know I had to lighten the mood.

I love you with every ounce of my soul. I hope I only get better, evolve and make you proud. Lord knows I am proud that you’re my mom.

Thank you for letting me see you and know you completely. It is by far the biggest gift of all. Because you did, I know that it’s ok to:

Make mistakes

Worry

Love so hard I might actually burst

Force people to eat every time they come to my house

Make a mess

Dance in the kitchen

Have empathy

Get mad when it’s warranted

Have the second glass of wine

Make time for my girlfriends

Pick up a good book in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep

Talk to myself

Laugh at myself

Stand up for myself

Draw boundaries in life

Love myself

Forgive myself

Move on

Thank you for the loving way you held me in that swing and for holding me in your heart every single day.

I am my Mother’s daughter, and nothing makes me happier. I love you.

Love, Dolly

P.S. Pops, your letter is coming ❤

Fish Out of Water

“If you give a fool enough rope, they hang themselves.” I’ve heard my Mother say this since I was a child. There is something so incredibly transparent about dishonest and disingenuous people. The need they have to show everybody that they are honest and genuine causes them to out themselves. It’s like seeing a fish out of water, struggling to breathe. Overcompensation at it’s worst. It only gets worse if they can’t convince others to believe the best of them.

It is a strange thing to encounter this as an adult and not know exactly how to respond. If I can’t trust you around my significant other or my friends, you’re out. If I’ve caught you in numerous lies, you’re out. If you refuse to take accountability for your actions, you’re out.

Maybe it’s because I’m 37 years old or maybe it’s because I value honesty so much, but I don’t have a tolerance for bullshit. The response I choose is no response. That’s it. You’ll get nothing from me. I will not waste my time or energy on anyone who does not deserve it. I’ve examined the situation, processed it, and determined that none of it is worth my time. TIME is absolutely precious, and we never know how much of it we have.

Meryl Streep said it best….

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate.

I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons.

I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement.

Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.”

Perfectly said.

I feel no need to defend myself against malicious things said about me because they are untrue. Duh.

I don’t have to prove who I am to people who know and love me because they know me. Duh.

I’m so grateful that I’ve had a solid foundation of unconditional love from the start of my time on Earth. It has given me a sense of calm in these situations because I know who I am.

The desire to prove who you are to the world and fighting for others’ love and attention comes from a scarcity mentality that says, “There’s not enough love and attention to go around so I have to fight for my fair share”. It’s sad and untrue. There IS enough love and attention to go around. Everyone is worthy of it and it should be given freely to all of us from the start. I know that isn’t the case, but as an adult you can choose who it is you want to be and what you give your energy to. You don’t have to go on flailing about and gasping for air. Hurting people hurt people and I understand that while sometimes a person’s actions are awful, their intention may not have been. They just don’t know the safety and peace of living in love.

I wish these humans a journey that will lead them to love and acceptance. I, however, will not be their guide because in the words of Danny Glover, “I’m getting too old for this shit”.

Godspeed, little fish.

Show Up

Sometimes, life is unfair and downright fucked up. This is something most of us learned as children.

For me, I was in elementary school and had to pull my card for allegedly talking. I actually wasn’t talking, but my teacher did not want to hear me out and I had to pull my card anyway.

The smug little girl who WAS talking and knew full well the injustice that was happening right before her devious eyes just sat there.

While I knew she clearly wasn’t getting into Heaven, I was still upset. In fact, I was so upset that I began to cry and my teacher made me pull my card AGAIN for crying. The satisfaction of knowing that now both of them would be rotting in Hell still wasn’t enough to console me.

This memory stuck with me. Sometimes unfair things happen. Even worse still, we usually can’t do anything about it. It’s a part of life. I get it….but still, fuck that.

I am happy to tell you that the evil little girl who didn’t own up to talking in class grew up to be a woman whose husband left her for another woman. Sad, really. She could have avoided all of that pain had she just admitted she was the one talking and pulled her card. Let that be a lesson to you all.

I know, that’s a silly story and a minor injustice, but what do we do when the really unfair things happen, and we can’t do anything about it? What do we do when we can’t console ourselves or the ones we love? What happens to our hearts and minds when the unfairness is too much to bear?

I don’t have any answers for you. Many of us have faith in a greater power and that brings some peace and comfort, but not always right away and very often we are still left not understanding why certain things happen.

Here’s what I do know…

When times get tough and things are unfair, it helps to have amazing people around you. By amazing, I mean strong people who have empathy and give love. If you don’t already have these people in your life, get some.

I’ll share some of the best parts of the people who keep me sane (sort of) and give me a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen when I need it.

They dance. They dance like fools and like everybody is watching, but they don’t give a shit.

They laugh. Not only do they laugh at my jokes to the point of snorting (you know who you are), they also make me laugh and know how important laughter is. This includes enjoying stupid/lame jokes that only we think are funny.

They sympathize. Even if they don’t know exactly what you’re going through, they listen with compassion and try to understand.

They empathize. Even better, they know exactly what you’re going through, and you don’t feel alone.

They drink. Let’s face it, I’m gonna need you to have a cocktail or three with me because days are hard.

They sit by your side. They’ve seen your ugly cry face. They’ve seen you overreact. They’ve seen you without makeup. And still, they sit next to you.

They don’t judge. There is no “right way” to do this thing called life and they know this. They’ve made the same mistake 12 times, just to be sure it was really a mistake. We’re all still figuring some things out and that’s ok.

They dislike all the same people you do. We don’t wear pink on Wednesdays, but you still can’t sit with us. Like, ever.

They think you’re beautiful, inside and out. They not only think it, they tell you. We build each other up. The world will tear us down, but we won’t do that to each other.

They believe the best of you. Others will assume the worst of you, but your people should always see the good in you and tell you so.

Most importantly…

They show up. At a moment’s notice and sometimes without you even asking because they just know.

To my people who are all of these things and more, I love you and thank you. We have a safe place to go when we need to unwind or vent or cry or laugh and that place is with each other. We can’t always fix each other’s hurt or make the terrible things better, but we can show up and be with each other.

There is something devastatingly beautiful about the pain that makes us vulnerable in life. We become so open and exposed that others have a chance to pour love and healing into our hearts and our wounds.

Even when my heart is heavy, it is full. And that is a gift.

Shut Up, You’re Weird Too

As much as I like the fun part of holidays, can I just say that I am so happy they’re over? Of course I can, I’m the boss of me. I think holidays make people crazy, rather, they bring out the crazy. What is that? Is it being reminded of bad memories past? The impending doom of spending time with relatives? Is your creepy uncle coming to Christmas dinner? I mean, WHAT?!

It’s fine, we all have our reasons for wishing the holidays away. Mine would be the crowds of people. They are everywhere, and they bring their crying babies with them. Isn’t this time of year hard enough without your teething infant screaming in the middle of Macy’s? I’m just looking for a sweater, dammit.

I enjoy parts of it. My Mother is an amazing cook and I happen to like my family so that part is easy. I love watching my kids open their gifts. Then, I regret buying things that require batteries, assembly or set up of any kind. Immediately, I turn my daughter and ask her to set up the new Nintendo Switch pretending I’m like a grandmother who doesn’t understand how “email” or “texting” works. She obliges because watching me attempt it would be equally if not more frustrating for her. She’s a good daughter.

When Christmas is finally over, there sits New Year’s like the smug bitch that she is. “New year, new you? Not so fast!”, she shouts.

I burned White Sage throughout the house and carried on with a positive attitude because new beginnings, right?

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Well, I can’t even believe the things people around me have already endured. Jeez, 2018. Simmer down. However, there’s happiness too, some have new houses and new babies (I’ve already advised them on not allowing their infants to tag along to Macy’s). I suppose this is the stuff of life. Ups and downs, ebbs and flows.

The truth is that New Year’s Resolutions are silly. It’s just a date. You want to change something? Umm, change it. It’s not like the Universe is gonna stop you… “Whoa, making a change today? On a school night? I won’t allow it.” Then, you’re struck by lightening to set an example for all the other humans who dare to be so bold as to try to better themselves in the middle of the week.

I’m going to make resolutions and evolve twice monthly so just brace yourself, this will never end. I don’t ever want to stop being curious and will constantly want to try new things. For instance, I had an app on my phone for a solid 5 weeks to help me learn French. Sure, it didn’t last, but “c’est la vei”. I’m now researching the benefits of bone broth and will be making my own in the next week.

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Lifetime learners and people who aren’t scared to be who they genuinely are, that’s who I like and want to surround myself with. Yes, tell me about your strange childhood. I live for this shit. Talk to me about your latest epiphany, I wanna know. You had a rough day, but found the silver lining? Let’s talk about it over a beer.

As my good pal and I recently discussed over a shared jar of moonshine, we are all changing and evolving. This is a good thing and something that should never stop because if it did, then what’s the point?

I think we’re here on Earth for two reasons:

To love ourselves and others

To learn what we don’t know

That second one is endless, obviously. And that is the point.

I spent a solid decade learning about myself and reading every book imaginable. I love to learn about others too, this is my jam. If you’re a MBTI nerd like me, I’m an ENFP. If you don’t know what that means…as my good friend says, “Google that shit!” (GTS). I’m a Type Two on the Enneagram. Again, GTS.

As much self-discovery as I’ve done, I still surprise myself. I recently noticed that after a very social weekend, I will suddenly shut down and need no one to talk to me or even breathe in my direction. It’s just too much to bare. I have expended all my extroverted energy. I now need to re-charge and I can’t do that with you in my space. I suppose I’m a Social Introvert, which is weird.

Shut up, you’re weird too.

Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that my Non-New Year’s Resolution is to keep trying new things, keep learning more about myself and others, and just love people. They need it and so do I. I’d also like to go wine tasting. I’ve never been and it seems like the 37 year old thing to do so maybe. We shall see.

I will always crave connection, real connection. If you’re not going to be real with me, I’ll know, and our conversation will be about the weather and last under 5 minutes. I’m not a Meteorologist, I don’t give a shit about the forecast, I just don’t like you. It’s ok, someone else will.

Good luck with your New Year’s Resolutions, everyone! Try being Gluten free, you’ll probably be friend free in 2 weeks, but carry on. Giving up alcohol? Call me when that’s over. I’ll be here for you, but in the meantime, I’ll be over there where they keep the beer. Deciding to try bangs? I’ll caution against it, but still sit next to you. (P.S. you look 5 years old now)

Accepting What Is

I think I have some pretty good friends, but then I see a reflection of myself in a door and notice a piece of my wild, curly hair sticking straight up and realize that I have no friends at all. Thanks a heap, guys. I can’t wait until you have something stuck in between your teeth so I can carry on a long conversation with you, then simply walk away with the satisfaction of knowing I’ve sentenced you to death by embarrassment.

Anywho, I have been listening to a weird sounding German/Canadian man talk to me about The Power of Now and it may be changing my life. Yes, I’m aware it’s very “New Age” and spiritually out there, but if you know me at all then this should be no surprise. Please withhold your judgment. In fact, just pack it away in the box of Hopes and Dreams stored in your parent’s attic. I’m gonna keep listening and then read it old school style, so deal with it. And for the love of God, why does the “Insert” button on the keyboard even exist? WHO is using this button?! And for what purpose? Please don’t answer, I’ve already stopped caring.

As I am attempting not to be so concerned about the future (which is going not great so far by the way), I find myself becoming much more self-aware which actually is great. Sometimes, I think God said, “give Melissa feelings, give her ALL the feelings” and then He did.

I’ve accepted that I just feel things deeper than most people. I know that’s a strange statement coming from me. I’m the sarcastic girl, the anti-social one who would rather talk to your dog than you, but alas I have tear ducts after all. Truthfully, once you’re in my circle of concern, my love knows no bounds. My capacity to forgive is damn near endless (not always a great thing), my loyalty is fierce and I will protect you with everything I have. There is a downside. Sometimes, that same love, loyalty and forgiveness is not returned. Fortunately, I can count on one hand how many times that’s been the case and I have gained wisdom from that pain.

Speaking of pain, let’s get back to The Power of Now. Mind you, I am only a third of the way through and my pal has promised me a book club type of discussion after I read the entire book (which he will soon regret), but I’ve already had some “AHA” moments. One is about pain so here we go…

“The pain you create now is always some form of non-acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is.”

Wait, humans are resistant to change and things they don’t want? Whaaa? Just kidding and that may seem like a no brainer, but really think about it. When something we don’t want to happen happens, we don’t tend to be passive and just let it be. We fight. We fight for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it’s a painful change, maybe it’s not what we want and maybe it feels unfair or unjust.

What does our non-acceptance and resistance do though? Does it change the circumstance? Does it change the person? No, it changes nothing. It does however cause a great amount of anxiety, stress, unhappiness and disappointment. Yet still, we resist. I don’t even think it’s on a conscious level, it’s reactionary and illogical. I’m so very guilty of this and believe me; it will take quite some time to kick this habit. However, I will try.

I’m aware of the connection between our minds and our reality. I understand the importance of perspective and what we think, but sometimes I still have trouble accepting what is. Damn my humanness.

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.”

That’s a tall order, Tolle…but I will try because it all makes so much sense to me. It speaks to me on the deepest level. The place where my soul is at peace and I know what is true.

Everyone’s truth is different and I’m no expert, but I do know myself very well and I know what I need. The hardest thing for me has always been to stop overthinking and listen to that part inside of me that knows exactly what to do. Call it intuition, God, your subconscious, the Universe…all I know is it’s the truest part of me and the best guide I have.

Proverbs 23:7 says “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..”

“Happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events” – Dalai Lama

No matter what you believe, I think most of us can agree that our thoughts have a great influence over our lives. Those who don’t agree are most likely mouth breathers. Anyway, if you find yourself in a church pew on Sunday mornings, then more power to you and I hope it feeds your soul. You may want to avoid this one though because I’m still confused.

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I never feel the need to explain my beliefs, but when someone is genuinely interested, I do and I’m grateful for the conversation that led me to this book. I’m grateful for people who are open minded and enlightened. I’m grateful every day that I’m alive and have an opportunity to evolve even more. I am far from perfect, but I never want to stop learning or challenging myself and I’ll always be weird so deal with that too.

I’m also grateful for sunshine and music. This gem is from Emeli Sande’s latest album and if you’ve followed my blog, you know I adore her. I love how vulnerable she allows herself to be and the poetic nature of her lyrics. Ok, I’ll stop. Just listen..

I love how much she craves a deeper meaning and connection. I get that, I crave it too. I love that some people are just drawn to one another. It can’t be explained, it just is.

I get that some events and pain are unavoidable and unpredictable, but if there is some pain that we can lessen or avoid by accepting and not resisting what is, I think it’s worth a try. Also, underneath it all I absolutely believe that what’s for me will always be for me.

Wherever your journey takes you, I hope you find what’s meant for you. Choose your humans well.

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Just a tip though, it will never be a pair of Crocs or a man bun. Those aren’t meant for anyone.