Say Anything

Some days I think I  have my shit together and some days I seem to have lost my ability to count. I have somehow developed the nervous talking habit John Cusack had in the movie Say Anything which is, evidently, not as endearing on me.

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The following is an account of my lunch hour yesterday because I know you all care so deeply…

I spent a solid 60 seconds trying to remember if I put on underwear. As soon as I figured out that I wasn’t going commando, my thoughts shifted to my dogs. I made a mental note that I needed to get new name tag for my dog. He’s currently sporting the name tag of a dog I fostered last year because, hey, at least it has my phone number on it. This is probably causing him to have some kind of identity crisis and feel like he doesn’t matter as much as my other two dogs. Then, I’m like….dude, you’re worrying about the emotional state of a creature who has chased his own tail for 6 minutes straight. Chill.

I arrived at a gym nearby my work because in a moment of poor judgment I agreed to get a membership so as to join two of my coworkers for lunchtime cardio a few days a week. I know, but this is who I am now. As I’m discussing the deets of this torturous arrangement, the guy asked me what my fitness goals were. I paused and said, “To never check in on Facebook?” Clearly, he’s now going to take me about as seriously as I take myself.

I left and immediately started to scold myself. I was all, “Jesus, Mary & Joseph, can you just act like a freakin adult for 5 minutes?!”

About a minute later, I forgave myself for my juvenile ways and headed toward Panera because nothing starts off a new healthy lifestyle like a cup of Clam Chowder.

On my drive back to work I started eating the French Baguette they always give you. Let me be clear, there is no lady like way to eat a Baguette while driving. I looked like a character out of Game of Thrones who’s been on a long journey and has just gotten her hands on some nourishment. I kept eating it because, bread.

As I’m driving, I think….Have I heard from Pops lately? I try to recall if I’ve gotten any emails from him that day. Listen, if your Dad doesn’t email you weekly about an article that he found interesting, is he even you Dad?! I actually look forward to these emails because Pops is the best thing since chocolate and you know what, maybe I DO want to know how to properly store tomatoes in my kitchen so they maintain their fresh deliciousness!

I arrived back at the office and suddenly remember that at 7 years old, I thought becoming a Librarian would be the bestest thing ever because BOOKS…and I also had a slight obsession with wanting to scan barcodes. A grocery store checkout clerk was a close second to the coolest job a person could have. Whatta weird kid. Anyway, that’s a life long dream that will probably never see the light of day.

In a moment of rare silence, I think, am I the only one pretending to be an adult around here? Am I alone in feigning maturity all damn day?! Is the ridiculous train leaving the station with only me on board??

At that moment, the phone rang for the 73rd time and I shouted, “not it!” because I. Can’t. Even.

 

 

 

Emotional Intelligence

Yesterday, my psychologist told me that I’m very emotionally intelligent. Wow. Really? As evident by my last blog, I very much feel like a mess at times. Well, thanks. Guess I’m not crazy after all. I find her statement to be a compliment of the highest order because I truly feel that having high emotional intelligence is even more important than having a high Intelligence Quotient. Since this feels like an award, clearly I have a speech to make.

First, I’d like to thank my parents for having me and for raising me in an almost perfect way, but while making sure to give me just enough issues to fit in with society.

I actually read the book titled Emotional Intelligence years ago…

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so thanks, Daniel Goleman, for writing it.

I’d also like to thank the private, Christian school I attended from 1st through 8th grade for the incredible friendships I made and for making sure I will never want to have too much to do with organized religion. Speaking of…thanks for making me wear a skirt once a week on Chapel days and thanks to all the boys in Jr. High for standing under the stairs while us girls walked up to class thus giving me my first taste of sexual harassment.

Thank you to my Interpersonal Communication class in college for teaching me how to communicate with others effectively, no matter how stupid they are.

Thanks to my sense of humor for apparently keeping me fairly sane all these years. I don’t care how irreverent or offensive my humor is…FUNNY TRUMPS EVERYTHING.

I can’t forget to thank Florence and the Machine for the music and lyrics that got me through some dark times.

On that note, shout out to Lil Wayne. I can’t explain it, but he gets me.

Aaaaannnnddd it wouldn’t be a true acceptance speech if I didn’t thank God for everything. I’m not wearing 20 gold chains or winning an award for Best Rap Video, but I’ll thank God just the same. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s define emotional intelligence…

The ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions.

I love that the definition says “and” not “or”. Having the ability to do ALL three of these things is a must. In fact, I would go one step further and add Communicate  in there….but I’m a talker so that’s just my preference.

The ability to perceive emotions means not just our own, but others’ emotions as well. This is tricky because we all view the world differently and take in information differently. Also, since we’re human, we have all been damaged in some way and these scars can change our view. I think of it like this…we all have experiences in life, some negative and some positive. Every experience adds a filter to our view of the world, ourselves and others. This is part of why everyone has a different “point of view”.

The world is not black and white. It is gray. I’m sure there are those that feel it is black and white, that there is always a right or wrong way. To those people, I say…try out a few therapy sessions, take the MBTI indicator test and learn a little about how different we all are and why there can never be just one way in life.

It goes without saying that those who cannot control their emotions are screwed and should seek help.

Evaluating our emotions is only possible if we are aware of our emotions. Awareness is so important because far too many people like to bury their heads in the sand and shove things under the rug instead of dealing with what they’re feeling. Guys, I know it’s a little scary, but excavating what you are feeling and processing it will be much less painful in the long run. I think communication actually falls under the evaluation part of this process. If you have any kind of relationships in life, you will have to be able to evaluate your emotions and effectively communicate what you are feeling to those that are important to you.

Everybody is going to have pain and deal with rejection at some point in life. It is how we deal with these issues that determines how emotionally healthy we will be. It is how we teach our children to deal with these issues that determines how emotionally healthy they will be.

Is it easier to pretend that everything in life is fine when it’s not? Sure, it’s easier…temporarily. I was a person that stayed in a bad situation for far too long for what I thought were the right reasons. Also because change is scary and saying goodbye is tough, but sometimes it is necessary.

Here is a quote from the next book I will be reading….

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The book this quote is from….

yhst-20550167876698_2167_10539471I’m excited to read this one. Yes, I’m aware that I am a nerd.

Look, if you’ve spent any kind of time with me, you know that I would love nothing more than to walk around with blow darts and a taser so as to temporarily incapacitate the stupid people of the world as I come into contact with them. I have been told this is illegal so I have refrained. However, should I ever win the lottery and have an endless amount of bail money at my disposal, I will move forward with this plan. In the meantime, it is clear that we all have to deal with morons so that is why I choose to read and educate myself on how best to interact with others.

Earlier I mentioned the MBTI indicator test. It’s basically a personality test(one that I have given to many people in my life). I find this stuff fascinating. There are 16 different personality types, here they are…

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Here’s the population breakdown….

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As you can see, we are all very different. Some of us just don’t mix well together, some of us just fit well together. No matter what though, we all have to deal with each other at some point. In a perfect world, people would all be emotionally healthy and treat each other with respect…but this is not a perfect world. I guess we can settle for, let’s all behave like adults and understand that we all see things differently.

Life is way too short to spend our days unhappy or living with regret. By the way, I’m an ENFP.

Insomnia, Paranoia and The List

Every time I’m going on a road trip with my family, I wake up somewhere around 3am and begin to imagine every possible terrible thing that can happen. Once I’m in tears and have methodically planned out how I will save each member of my family from an almost totaled car, I begin to talk myself down. I also start to negotiate with God/The Universe/Creator/Goddess, basically whoever can hear my thoughts telepathically. If you let my family and I survive this trip, I will be nicer to the stupid people of the world or only curse twice a day….twice an hour. Then I start suggesting a list of things/people that we could do without here on Earth if His/Her “trigger finger” is feeling itchy.

Here’s the list so far:

1. Biker Shorts  –  I mean, really, does anyone look good in those? You can’t unsee it, people.

2. The older white lady in my neighborhood that walks her black Pug every hour on the hour  –  It’s cool that she’s in an interracial relationship, but we live in a gated community with a security guy that patrols all day. The area is secure, go back inside!! Sure, Skippy couldn’t track a three-legged turtle, but he has a siren and a walkie-talkie. Let him do his job, it’s all he has.

3.  Pincher Bugs  –  Those sons of bitches are evil.

4. Close talkers  –  You do not know me like that, back up.

5. Bumper Stickers  –   I don’t give a shit about your kid being student of the month or who you voted for in 2008.

6. Fox News  –  Because I have a functioning brain, eyes and ears.

7. Mouth Breathers  –  For fuck’s sake, get some Breathe Right Strips and wear them 24/7. Trust me, you will look like less of an idiot than you do now.

You will be happy to know that we survived the trip to Los Angeles and back. Please feel free to suggest other things/people for the list. I’m off to take a Benadryl and call it a night.