Midnight Margaritas

The news is devastating. It’s hard to escape the hateful nature of some, but since reality bites, let me tell you about my lame Friday night and the fact that I still believe in magic.

Spoiler: I watched Practical Magic again.


Just so you know, I belong in the above scene. I want to be woken up for Midnight Margaritas and I already regularly dance through my kitchen. That is the stuff of happiness. I also believe in magic, practical and non-practical.

I burn white sage to clear out negative energy.  I coat my doorway in peppermint oil and even brew a few mixtures from time to time. I don’t care what you think.

This movie probably seems silly to most, but there’s quite a bit of solid wisdom hidden throughout the spells, potions, murder and margaritas.
Gilly may be one of my most favorite characters Nicole Kidman has ever played. After falling for a seductive, intense man who eventually turns destructive and toxic, she doles out this perspective to her niece.

“Well that’s what love is like. It makes your heart race, it turns the world upside down. But if you’re not careful, if you don’t keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can’t see what’s happening to the people around you. You can’t see that you’re about to fall.”

Damn. Ain’t that the truth.

She may have buried her way too intense boyfriend in the yard with the help of her sister Sally (who actually murdered him), but that’s all beside the point.
The connection the sisters share is part of why I love the movie so much. Women can be such beautifully strong, intuitive creatures and even more so when we find our tribe. There is power in numbers and immeasurable strength when we choose to support and lift each other up…and maybe help hide a body.

Check in on your girlfriends, hug them, share what you’re learning in life. It means more than you know and we all need it. Simply knowing you’re not alone can change everything.

Sometimes we need someone to grab us by the shoulders and say, “Listen, you beautiful mess of a human, you’re amazing and deserve a great life so get your shit together and stop settling for less. P.S. I love you.”

We all struggle. We are all hurting. Very recently I’ve learned that even the people you think have it all together, don’t. Trust me, they’ve cried in the shower too.

It’s my favorite to talk to my girlfriends and realize they’re just as weird as I am. Well, almost.

As I was home on Friday night, my boyfriend was out with the guys and I sent him this lovely text..

Don’t feel bad for him. He woke me up last night to ask where the ibuprofen was because it wasn’t on his nightstand. God forbid he walk over to my nightstand and look for it with his eyeballs! For the love.

I said I wanted to be woken up for Midnight Margaritas, not help you find something.

However,  I did come out of the shower earlier that night and made him promise me that if we ever break up, he’ll never bring his new girlfriend to our fave hang out spot, even if he marries her. I did this FOR NO REASON. So I probably gave him a headache, but still.

Truthfully, he laughed and said, “ok, baby”. Which is even worse. He’s become immune to my crazy and probably knows I’m pmsing. Sweet baby Jesus, someone should put me down.

You're Doing it Wrong

Did you know that you’re actually supposed to peel a banana from the bottom? Like so…

If you’ve been peeling it from the stem, you’re doing it wrong.

This way is much easier and apparently the proper way. You’re welcome.
 

Hey, guys hitting on another man’s girlfriend when he gets up to go to the bathroom, you’re doing it wrong. 

Unbeknownst to you, our love is deep and the loyalty is real. 

We are joined together by inside jokes, epic dance off competitions, laughter, tears, beach trips, all night conversations, terrible Netflix movies and the smell of his farts. 

Do you really think that’s a bond you can break in the 2 minutes you have until he returns? Not happening.

So…how do you hit on another man’s girlfriend? You don’t, dipshit.

People parking in the “Burrito Loading Zone” at Chipotle, but actually eating lunch at Eureka, you’re doing it wrong. 

Evidently, Chipotle workers are very protective of these parking spots.

[wpvideo 8Jl3GIpS]

Prius drivers who are angry, you’re doing it wrong. 

You drive a Prius. You are a gentle giant, a friend to all, a keeper of peace. You are not the guy yelling at the Chipotle employee because you parked in the Burrito Loading Zone and loaded no burritos. I mean, there are rules here. This isn’t Vietnam.

Captain's Log 

Look, I don’t always have time to write down my every thought which I know is incredibly disappointing to all of you. I’m a thoughtful person and don’t want you to miss out on my particular brand of crazy so here’s a glimpse into what’s been going on. I may or may not be a little paranoid.

[wpvideo hFRDxBH2]

April 12th. You’re welcome. 

Let's Talk About Poop 💩

Are y’all doing the poops in front of each other?!

I’ve asked around and it almost seems like a 50/50 split. I am on the side that likes to keep some kind of mystery in the relationship and part of the mystery is that I don’t know what you look like when you’re taking a dump. 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re discussing the poops….probably too often, but that’s where it ends. I love being close to my boyfriend and sharing everything, but this is one thing he can keep to himself. 

Just yesterday, he told me that he took the biggest dump of his life. It was so impressive that he said he almost sent me a picture of it. Now, some of you are cracking up and others are disgusted. I understand both reactions. I’m clearly living the dream. Also, I’m very glad that he didn’t capture that image and send it to me thus resulting in mixed emotions that would have driven me to drink for the remainder of the day.

I feel pretty fortunate that our toilet has it’s own little room with a door…inside of a large bathroom with another door. I would prefer both doors remain closed during the sacred time of taking a brown and flushing it down. I don’t need to share in that moment with you and vice versa.

I’ve heard some stories, guys. One person is showering and the other comes in to drop a deuce. All I can say is, what in the actual hell?! NOT ON MY WATCH!


Farts, however, are in a completely different category.  

Last week, we were laying down facing one another, staring deeply into each other’s eyes and just when I thought the moment couldn’t get any sweeter, he ripped the loudest fart..WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT.

I looked at him in disbelief and asked, “Did you just fart while maintaining eye contact with me?” He laughed of course. I tried really hard not to join in the laughter, but failed miserably because farts are hilarious. I don’t care who you are.

Let's Talk About Poop 💩

Are y’all doing the poops in front of each other?!

I’ve asked around and it almost seems like a 50/50 split. I am on the side that likes to keep some kind of mystery in the relationship and part of the mystery is that I don’t know what you look like when you’re taking a dump. 

Don’t get me wrong, we’re discussing the poops….probably too often, but that’s where it ends. I love being close to my boyfriend and sharing everything, but this is one thing he can keep to himself. 

Just yesterday, he told me that he took the biggest dump of his life. It was so impressive that he said he almost sent me a picture of it. Now, some of you are cracking up and others are disgusted. I understand both reactions. I’m clearly living the dream. Also, I’m very glad that he didn’t capture that image and send it to me thus resulting in mixed emotions that would have driven me to drink for the remainder of the day.

I feel pretty fortunate that our toilet has it’s own little room with a door…inside of a large bathroom with another door. I would prefer both doors remain closed during the sacred time of taking a brown and flushing it down. I don’t need to share in that moment with you and vice versa.

I’ve heard some stories, guys. One person is showering and the other comes in to drop a deuce. All I can say is, what in the actual hell?! NOT ON MY WATCH!


Farts, however, are in a completely different category.  

Last week, we were laying down facing one another, staring deeply into each other’s eyes and just when I thought the moment couldn’t get any sweeter, he ripped the loudest fart..WHILE MAINTAINING EYE CONTACT.

I looked at him in disbelief and asked, “Did you just fart while maintaining eye contact with me?” He laughed of course. I tried really hard not to join in the laughter, but failed miserably because farts are hilarious. I don’t care who you are.

Here's What I Know…

Brace yourself, this isn’t a post making fun of any celebrities, fashion or stupidity. I know it’s shocking, but try to pay attention.

I am a few days away from my 32nd birthday. This once seemed to be an ancient age (back when I was 11), however, I’ve made it to this point and still feel like I’m not a complete adult. Not sure when that’s supposed to kick in or if I ever want it to. Anyway, back to being 11. I made 3 decisions that year that I have actually stuck with.

Here they are:

1. I would never change my last name. I didn’t care how great my future husband’s last name was, I found it strange that women gave up that part of their identity. Also, c’mon, Nightengale is an awesome last name. I am proud to come from the family that I do and it just felt wrong for me to change it.

2. I would always be a 49ers fan. I know. Maybe I should have reconsidered this decision.

3. I would wake up every day and ask God to give me wisdom. People can educate themselves to no end, but true wisdom is a powerful gift. It’s more than common sense or logic, it is a deep understanding of yourself and others. It is having an almost unexplainable intuition about people and situations. I believe that having wisdom is seeing people the way that God sees us – with complete unconditional love. I am still working on this.

I don’t love religion, but I love God…you want to call it a “higher power” or “the Universe”? Ok, fine, whatever suits you. I say God. I believe in taking the good out of every teaching and religion. I believe in not judging others for their particular faith or lack there of, that is not love.

Here I am, an almost 32-year-old adult(sort of) and this is what I know to be true. Feel free to disagree, I won’t give a shit…

~Everyone needs to be passionate about something in life.

~Without compassion, we are doomed.

~Forgiving is the most important thing a human being can learn to do. Not just for others, but for ourselves as well.

~People who fight to be right will always lose.

~There is no love like the love a parent has for their child.

~Everything seems worse at night.

~There are few things funnier than when my Dad imitates my Mom.

~I have been blessed with fantastic parents.

~I talk too much.

~We could all use a little therapy.

~Nobody has it all figured out.

~Blood doesn’t make you family, but memories, love, loyalty & trust sure do.

~I will never be able to tolerate disingenuous people. Be real or be gone.

~Laughter truly is the best medicine.

~My Mom believes in me more than I believe in myself.

~The ocean always puts things in perspective.

~I often say what others just think.

~There is nothing like reading an amazing book.

~My brother gets me in a way that nobody else ever will.

~My kids are all way too much like me, God help them.

~I’m wrong about something every single day.

~I’m a damn good cook.

~My Father is the most generous person I know.

~My Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins have shaped who I am more than they will ever know.

~I love my dogs & my cat, but I always hated the fish. RIP.

~My most comforting meal will always be Puerto Rican chicken, rice & beans.

~Music has very often been my therapy.

~It will all work out.

~When I think of how much I miss my Grandma, my heart actually physically hurts. I doubt that will change.

~All good things come from God.

~I have an addiction to magazines.

~I love talking to, texting & laughing with my Dad because he’s like me….but smarter.

~Owls are adorable.

~I am vain.

~All forms of Art are valuable; Dancing, Acting, Painting, Singing….we NEED this in the world.

~It really is all about the little things.

~I am loved.

~Happiness is a choice.

~Golden Oreo ice cream is delicious.

~You can’t change others.

~Being at peace with myself is more important than what others think of me.

~I’m superstitious.

~I was definitely a bird in a past life.

~People that place so much value in material possessions, often don’t value themselves.

~Camping at the beach every year with my family is my favorite childhood memory.

~Nothing seems real until I’ve shared it with my Mom.

~Patience is a virtue I sometimes wish I didn’t have so much of.

~Sharks & Snakes are evil.

~Sometimes insanity has a pretty face and lipstick, be careful.

~I worry.

~I like spooky houses, mysteries & conspiracy theories.

~My children are who they are, my job is to help them love and accept themselves, not change them.

~I’m slightly hilarious.

~The smell of a Nectarine makes me smile.

~I will always dance in my kitchen.

~I have so much respect for my Ancestors.

~Sometimes God asks us to do exactly what we don’t want to do. Do it anyway.

~I will forever be a curious person.

~Embracing our own imperfections allows us to love others in spite of theirs.

~I am my Mother’s daughter.

Most of all…

~I know who I am and will never apologize for it.