Do you know what sounds like a lot of fun? A nap. Who’s with me? Seriously, I’m down to grab my favorite blanket and pillow and sleep peacefully next to you. There are some rules. Stay on your side. No snorers allowed. Don’t wake your nap buddy up unless they are in imminent danger. When you are both awake, conversation must be kept to a minimum and can only consist of what to watch or what to eat. Both will be happening, neither of you are ready for the world yet. Waking up is hard. A second nap is always an option, but not mandatory. It is not necessary that your nap buddy participate in nap number two with you. You are free to slumber alone.
I was having a blissful slumber myself in the wee early hours of the morning when suddenly I was jolted awake by what can only be described as the smell of death or death that has rotted. If you guessed that my boyfriend was to blame, then you would be correct. When I texted him hours later to let him know that his fart on steroids almost took me out, his response was and I quote, “Sorry babe, it was a Spinach fart”. A Spinach fart? I had no idea there was such a thing, but the man loves his Spinach and ate an entire bowl yesterday. Ok, Popeye….NEVER AGAIN.
When I’m not thinking about napping or food or surviving farts, I’m learning to speak Russian these days. Before you say it, I know it’s a difficult language. Duh. I love it! I’ve already learned 140 words and it’s been less than three weeks. My friends are slightly annoyed, but I don’t care. I can call them names and they won’t even know, so who’s the real winner here?
Why Russian, you ask? Or maybe you didn’t ask because you’re selfish and only think about yourself. Give that some thought.
I have been interested by my Ancestry since I was a kid. I always loved hearing family stories and knowing where I come from is important to me. I’m fascinated by the Russian side, so I decided to try out learning another language. My brain gets bored and I always want to learn something new. Turns out, I catch on pretty damn quickly. I’m already fluent in Spanglish which was motivated by listening to my Mother and Aunts start a conversation in English and ending it in Spanish. My little cousin and I were left clueless as to the gossip. In the words of The Dude, “This aggression will not stand!”… so we learned enough to know the “tea” (as kids these days say). Try not to be floored by my level of cool.
I have already nicknamed one friend a potato in Russian which he loves, obviously. Another friend got sick of my shit and has decided to learn with me! We will surely annoy all the folks in all the lands and I could not care less. Peasants is what I’ll call them, Garbage Kids even. Don’t feel bad for them. They have earned my wrath.
Listen, you guys take care. Go learn something new. Let me know if you want to nap sometime and for the love of God, STAY AWAY FROM THE SPINACH.